So, it’s Monday morning, and I should have published a new blog post. I should have gotten up way before the kids to write because that’s when my mind is freshest. I should have made my morning smoothie right after dropping off the kids at school. I should be able to lose those 20(!!) pounds vicariously by watching YouTube videos of people exercising. I should stop shoulding on myself. Instead, I’m doing none of those things.
What I am doing is writing this post that I’ve started and scrapped about a dozen times and sitting at my usual cafe—which I haven’t frequented in months because I stopped drinking my favorite, dangerously estrogenic green tea soy latte in order to reclaim my health. In fact, all I’ve been able to focus on these last few months is getting my health and my body back into shape given that I’ve let those slide faster than I could guzzle a high-sugar frothing latte. Which I’m not drinking today, if you must know. I’m
trying to down slowly sipping a plain green tea with no frills, in the smallest available size. (I ate cr*p for months, yet avoid caffeine. Go figure.)
So here’s what my life looked like for way too long to make excuses for it: no exercise, but for a couple of walks with my husband or with a friend over the weekend; no breakfast other than the aforementioned latte sans coffee (sometimes that was lunch too); almost no home-cooked food during the week…but really, hardly ever.
And how about the sheer volume of beauty bottles that are still awaiting photos, reviews, and a fair trial period as they dawdle away the days collecting dust while sitting prettily on my vanity, filling up my dresser drawers, and lining the bathroom cabinets and floor (yup, floor). My skin is crying, People! (And so is my husband who has furtively switched to another bathroom.) Yet these write ups must happen before filing away said beauty products for impromptu photo styling. (One never knows…)
Oddly, there is not a magical elixir among them that kicks a person into gear to right all the green transgressions and step into a better version of themselves, and there is really something wrong with that.Sign me up for the magical elixir that aligns me with my true path. I need one now. Click To Tweet
That picture does not make for a great clean living blogger, does it? The “Godmother of Green Beauty”—oh that delicious moniker!—caught eating Oreos on the sly? That won’t do, although those new thin Oreos are wickedly addictive. Bottle hoarding? There may be a fire hazard involved, let alone it’s hardly sustainable. What it does paint is the not-so-pretty image of a posturing green wannabe who uses way too many beauty products for her own good (at least those are clean, where the diet is lacking) and who should’s on herself as though it were the hottest trend.
Every day I’m faced with a ceremonial to-do list of should’s and have-to’s. Here’s what typically goes through my mind first thing Monday morning, after the two drop-offs at school by 7:30 and 8:15 a.m.:
“Wouldn’t it be nice to go back to sleep for a little? Nobody would ever know. Nope. Scratch that. There’s a mound of beauty products to organize.”
“Or wait! Maybe I should sit my butt down for an hour to finally answer those emails from a few weeks ago? Hmm…do I take a photo for the post I’m working on while the natural outdoor lighting is good?”
“Hold it! Hold it! I’ve got it. Eat first. But making that smoothie will take all morning… Let me juice a lemon, instead, and detox my liver. Oh man! Totally forgot to meditate.”
And so it goes.
When faced with overwhelm, it’s easier to casually wander over to Instagram and lose myself in the sheer volume of photos that warrant a double screen tap (that’s a “like” on IG), or jump onto Facebook to catch the latest
nonsense thought-provoking content. I mean, I co-moderate a Facebook group, and I’m needed there, right? Let the brain-numbing begin while scrolling through the feed and stewing over vapid political commentaries. Allot extra time to add my two-cents in the comments. Who wouldn’t?
Here’s where the disclaimer comes in, and where I ask that you don’t find me ungrateful for all the work that has come my way since starting my blog in 2013. I am supremely grateful. It’s just that I can’t get to it all. Period. There really isn’t much to say after that.
I could tell you about the recent health scare that was the Universe’s funny way of telling me it was high time to step back into alignment with my priorities and with my message. I could tell you that every time I go on vacation with the family, returning to blogging gets harder since I recognize how quickly my kids are growing, and I don’t want to lose a minute of it. (My oldest is graduating high school this year and started driving. End sleep for, like, ever.) I could also mention that making smoothies, cooking whole food meals—and let’s face it, not skipping meals (bad girl!)—are its own full time job. And we haven’t even talked about squeezing into my clothes. (One hour exercise plus half hour shower plus travel time equals—oops!—whole day shot. Hence, why it has yet to happen.)
Did I mention that some days my kids need to be picked up early for dentists, orthodontists, regular chiropractic adjustments, and an assortment of other unpredictables?
But I won’t bore you with the details. Maybe they’re lame excuses to avoid the hours of writing, editing, stylizing instagram-worthy pics, answering emails, jumping on calls, and social media-ing (should be a verb, no?), though each one demands my attention. Maybe it’s my body’s way of seeking more offline moments and venturing into nature which I’m genuinely feeling called to do. Or maybe shifting back into alignment means that describing another skincare oil doesn’t have the same urgency in it that it used to. I’m destined for greater things than writing about a lip color, n’est-ce pas?
Either way, I know that I’m not the only blogger who faces overwhelming periods as they reconfigure their priorities, readjust their schedules due to the volume of requests, or get some support by way of an assistant, if that’s feasible, or delegating tasks to an intern. I can not imagine how bloggers juggle a full-time day job while running their blogs. But then again, being a mom and homemaker is a full time job, and sometimes I forget that. We bloggers can not do it all, though I do believe we can have it all. It merely takes time to figure out what having it all looks like. And if it’s worth it.
I’m still getting there. In the meanwhile, see you on Instagram.