Recently we stopped all weekday “Movie Time” for the kids. “Movie Time” was a dedicated hour (or inevitably two hours) of watching whatever G-rated shows they could find that were streaming on Netflix or some other computer generated rerun machine. My kids looked forward to that time like bees zeroing in on a succulent flower.
Since my husband was often at work during that allotted time, I was not always consistent as to what hour we would watch, as long as they finished their homework first. He’s the timekeeper in the family. I’m the go-with-the-flow Bohemian spirit (sorta).
It seemed like a decent routine, since it gave the kids incentive to finish their homework and it offered a much-needed respite in our day. That is, until my husband and I started noticing some worrisome behaviors that didn’t exist before.
It began with a steady increase in fighting. Movie time would end and an all-out battlefield would ensue…on our bed. All the wound up energy boiling over during sedentary viewing needed an outlet that looked like a detonated explosive device in our room.
Then we noticed that the kids began treating people, including parents, with disrespect, showing insensitivity to others, and being downright lazy about helping out around the house. And those are just the changes off the top of my head.
Words like “shut up” (said in place of “no way” as well as in the traditional sense), “freak,” and choice put-downs somehow ended up in the new lexicon of our household. It’s no wonder why.
Have you watched any of the popular shows lately?
The kids in the sitcoms act maliciously to one another, yet those scenes are accompanied by a laugh track. The jokes are usually mean-spirited and sarcastic. They make Archie Bunker look benevolent. The actors—parents, children, teachers, and counselors—seem to be allowed to say and do just about anything they feel like doing without any significant repercussions.
Kids talk to their parents like BFFs and disregard most of their guidance (which quite frankly is nothing that monumental either).
Scenes shift rapidly, moving from one to another before you’ve had a chance to settle on the couch. You won’t see close-ups of faces to read emotions Laura Ingalls style. Actually, there are rarely any emotions at all. Even when the kids are teasing another peer and you’d expect someone to become angry, sad, disappointed—nothing.
Yes. It affected my kids for the worse. We are trying to raise socially conscious and sensitive children, yet the families they were watching were unresponsive at best, callous and cynical at worst.
Here are the noticeable changes that we have observed since they stopped watching.
The siblings get along better. The bickering seems a bit better too. No one needs to fight over who gets to watch what or when they get to watch either.
They do more creative activities to fill their time, like converting cardboard boxes into doll houses or bassinets. They rekindled an interest in doing puzzles. Plus suddenly going outside isn’t something we need to encourage them to do but rather flows naturally. Innately. Call it desperation if you want but I call it restoring their senses to the realm of living fully alive.
Pattern on DollsandDaydreams/Etsy
They are open to helping out more around the house, sometimes baking, setting the table, sweeping, or doing the dishes. When not competing with a TV show, those are actually fun and entertaining activities.
Sure they miss their movie time. Daily they beg to have it back. Make no mistake. My husband and I recognize the withdrawal symptoms—and we cringe. But we don’t give in, regardless of how much they whine, plead, and get angry with us.
Sometimes they say that they hate us or they accuse us of hating them—strong words that we don’t internalize because we know they’re not true. Or maybe they feel true to the kids when they don’t get what they want. That’s ok. They’re allowed to feel the emotions that arise in their “recovery” process. They don’t hate us and we don’t hate them. If anything, when we set healthy limits, I know that we are showing them how much we do care because we are paying attention to them.
If you think I’m being overly fatalistic about the state of programming, I say: maybe. But I see the upside too.
It forces us to show up as active parents and fosters discussions about what we noticed that we felt was not true to who they are and who they could be. Sometimes learning happens in the absence of light, in the vast, murky area where making mistakes teaches survival skills and resilience.
It’s not the easiest decision we made—short term. But it sure is worth it.
So interesting. I had to admit that I have shows that I love, almost feel addicted too -I look forward to them all week. I often think about getting rid of our tv (yes we only have one in the house believe it or not, ha). It is just to easy at the end of the day to plop down, turn on and tune out for a bit. I wonder what else I could be doing, talking with my husband, reading another book, taking a moonlit stroll around the backyard…. ya got me thinking again Sarita 🙂
I hear you, Kat. I remember feeling addicted to TV shows too and I’m happy not to have it in my life anymore. The computer is already enough of an addiction, but I comfort myself with the knowledge that at least it’s interactive and has allowed me to develop strong connections with new people that I’d never have met otherwise. Still…all media has a time and a place. I don’t say all TV is bad. Not at all. However, we are more aware of its adverse effect and can consciously choose wiser programs. Watching does not trump going outside and being in nature! That to me is optimum living and I’m still striving to spend more time outside. My body aches for it. XO
So many kids’ shows (like Lab Rats in particular!) make fun of parents–what’s with that trend?? I can’t stand it. My son came home yesterday afternoon and said “I want to build something!” He wanted to build a larger cat house for our cat with bricks and wood. I was not entirely supportive & got him drawing instead. Now I see your amazing cardboard box bird house & we’ll try this tonight! I admire you for standing firm on turning off the tv & doing other things! So much life & imagination to be had outside!
Josie, I’d love to hear about your son’s creative endeavors! Isn’t it great that he came home wanting to build something?! I think that’s awesome. I love that you say: “So much life & imagination to be had outside!” I fully agree, Josie 🙂 The Lab Rats show sounds awful! Sadly, making fun of parents is not isolated to that one program. That’s scary to me because it points to a breakdown in our system. Are parents afraid to stand up and demand respect from their kids? My husband and I tell our kids when they say something not respectful or that they can’t say certain things to us in that way. That crosses a boundary and one that is important to us to uphold. I do believe that it makes kids feel safer when they have strong parents that they respect, who are not their best friends but who clearly love them and support them. Thanks for your comment, Josie. It’s good to know you’re out there encouraging your children too! XO
Really enjoyed this post Sarita. Since becoming an adult and having a choice about it, I’ve never owned a tv. I can totally believe your descriptions of the shows. According to some researchers, anti-social attitudes and behavior have been on a sharp increase in the USA over the past few decades and our cultural environment seems to be contributing to that trend. I congratulate you for sticking to your decision and teaching your children healthier values.
Love, love, love this!
Brilliant post Sarita and so interesting to hear about the behaviour changes in your children. We haven’t had TV for about 12 years now and really don’t miss it. We sometimes stream movies on the iPad but at least that way, we are just watching what and when we want, rather than getting into that awful rut of being glued to a TV for hours every day. I think you have made a brave decision and your family will be much happier as a result x
Wonderful spot-on post, as always. You inspire me in so many ways. While I notice my daughter’s expansive linguistic creativity and humor (not so much negative or hurtful expressions) linked to watching movies, there tends to be a greater downside to passive exposure to the elements you note. I love film as an art and a way to travel to different places and times which can inspire a deeper feeling of (or desire for) connection with others, but as a mother, at some point, my daughter benefits immeasurably from doing, taking a step beyond observing. This summer, she’ll be outdoors, playing creatively and cooperatively, writing a neighborhood gazette, and making her own movies! Perfect timing Sarita! Thanks so much!