“One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” ~ Three Dog Night
We don’t get much encouragement on being alone, do we? It’s further compounded after a breakup when feelings of loneliness seep through like a soaked cloth.
We feel exposed. Vulnerable. We tell ourselves that if this person—someone who knew me so well—can not love me, who can?
It seems like we are being rejected for who we are.
Having survived many a breakup, I can tell you one thing—it’s not true at all. Maybe breaking up is hard to do, but maybe it’s also the best thing that ever happened to you. You get to decide.
Here are six reasons why breaking up doesn’t have to crush your spirit.
You are you and someone will love you for you.
Everyone says start by loving yourself first. That’s a great idea. But that doesn’t always happen before a partnership. Or if it does: don’t worry—I assure you that you can learn greater love of yourself through partnership too. You’re gonna have to wake up to this deep self-love one way or another if you want to be happy.
Whatever the case, reassure yourself that you are loveable whether this person saw it or not. Then take actionable steps to show yourself love every day. You are totally worth it. Some day, someone will love you no matter what. And it won’t be hard at all.
“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” ~ Veronica A. Shoffstall
Sometimes people come in and out of your life for other reasons—not only for long-term partnerships but because they were part of your karmic path and you HAD to meet when you did for the duration. Uniting was inevitable. And parting was too. Anything you learned about yourself or life during that time is another rung gained on your soul’s ladder.
You may have had to complete something with that person, and now it’s done. Or they’ll come back until it is.
It’s not a question of fault. So stop blaming yourself or anyone else.
It takes two to build a relationship and two to take it down. Blame serves no one. It only keeps a person stuck. Own what’s yours and move on. No sense in dwelling on blaming. It dis-empowers you—especially when you’re blaming the other person.
If you can’t let go of the stinkin’ thinkin’, throw yourself a “Pity Party.” I’m not joking. Invite your besties. Tell them that you are working hard at blessing and releasing this relationship and you need a chance to vent about why this sucks. Write it all down if you need to and when you get together, burn it. That’s right. Take a match and light it up. Watch how quickly the negative self-talk disintegrates. It’ll be totally therapeutic. Your friends can add to the flames.
You can look at everything as an opportunity or as a misfortune. Which do you choose?
How you interpret information is up to you. As soon as you hit the memory replay button, you are viewing a purely subjective experience–with you as the director, producer, and star.
So here’s the deal: are you the victim or the hero of your story? Are you the one calling the shots or do you give your own power away by making someone else the one who is hurting you? The other person is out of the picture. Who is hurting you now? Often the way you see things is merely a question of changing your mind.
You are alone. So what?
Fortunately today, being alone is no big deal. It doesn’t have the stigma attached to it that it once had. Of course, after a relationship, we feel more alone than usual. It’s ok to feel that way. I PROMISE it goes away as you reconnect with yourself and your friendships. Feeling alone can happen in a relationship too. It’s an illusion. We are never really alone. It’s a feeling that is coming from a sponsoring thought. Find that thought and you won’t feel it so profoundly.
It’s also prime time to take a moment to breathe, self-reflect, and heal. Then get in touch with your inner Goddess or inner Champion. It’s worth your while. And you’re sure to be impressed.
Remember: THE ONE is going to stand by you no matter what.
Trust your inner guidance. If you break up, the relationship may not have been made to last. Or you may let go for a period of time and get back together. Let me reassure you that the one you’re meant to be with is gonna stick around no matter what. There won’t be any flimsy excuses or reasons to take you down. Why would you want to settle for that anyway?
Some people have more than just “ONE” person. Every relationship that I experienced was “the one” for that period of time. I’ve chosen to keep the good, learn from the rest, accept what I can not change, and forgive…a lot. Then I met my husband. And had to do the same.
My husband is nearly four years younger than I am. When we met, I sensed that he was a little too young for me and not ready to settle down. He moved to America. I was living in Israel. Two years later we met up again and it was the right time.
Believe me, there were plenty of reasons for him to break up with me or I with him. Even after being married, we have gone through the wringer and back. Something stronger than the two of us held us together—even beyond love. I could feel it every time I considered ending our union. And he knew it too. There are some bonds that are not meant to be severed.
Get in touch with yourself so that when your inner guidance is telling you something, you perk up and listen. This goes for when it’s time to let go too. You will know.
Because sometimes holding on is harder than letting go.