‘Scent of Love’ by Freydoon Rassouli
Sometimes, when I look at couples who are head over heels in love, there’s a twinge of longing to feel that way again—especially after 15 years of marriage. Is it envy? Remembrance?
I think of the times that I loved—and lost. And the searing, singeing pain that came with letting go.
Because when you start falling in love, the thrill is like a firecracker that explodes in your belly and ignites you. But then it flickers.
It’s a roller coaster that dips and turns and swings you upside down and back again. And when the ride is over, sometimes you get off. But sometimes you want to keep going.
So, I took a look at what makes lasting love and found that it thrives on brief glimpses of firecracker-roller-coaster joy. But that’s not all it is. Not by a long shot.
Love is getting up at 3 am with a crying baby, so that your spouse can sleep a little bit longer.
Love is having someone pull your hair back when you’ve got a migraine and are throwing up in the toilet. And then holding you softly after it’s over.
Love is whispering back and forth right before going to sleep about anything and everything—from the leak in the basement to the squirrels falling through the chimney. Then falling asleep mid-sentence.
Love is kicking back and staring at your worst and your best behaviors rolled into one. And not running away from it.
Love is owning your own garbage and not making it about someone else. You’ll be happier when you do.
Love is looking for the good rather than pointing out all the wrong stuff. Both are probably true, but which would you rather hear?
Love is remembering that somewhere out there you have a mutual pact to help each other grow and expand. So speak with honesty and kindness when it is time to point out the stuff that needs work.
Love is looking into someone’s eyes and knowing fully that they are rooting for you. No matter what.
Lasting love is an opportunity to help each other mend old wounds and patterns. It’s a nuisance, but somebody’s gotta do it.
Because sometimes love hurts like hell. But when it doesn’t, it’s a helluva good ride.
that’s all true. and no matter how much people hate to hear it, I’m gonna say it again: love is hard work.
not in the meaning ‘adjusting’ and ‘giving up’ or whatever we all dread the most –– but in the meaning of learning.
what I’ve seen and learned in life is: we’re all biased and traumatised, rarely masters of our fate, our mind, let alone our emotions… so when we get really close with somebody we care about, all of that gets muddied up, and manifold. sometimes it ends in lawless, painful, permanent fighting, a hot or a cold war. sometimes in transforms into a learning process. just as painful, but very rewarding. we need to make a conscious decision: “am I fighting for this love, or am I fighting for myself?”
sorry if it sounds blurred; I was trying to make a point while avoiding a comment of epic length! 😀
Girl, I totally hear you. Love gets muddled and uncertain at times. Sometimes you don’t know whose issue is whose. That’s why I said own yours, and hopefully your partner is willing to do their part. Because ultimately it boils down to “willingness.” If you are going through all that introspection and your partner isn’t, I’d say that’s a problem. It’s a partnership after all. Some lasting relationships even thrive on fighting. That’s also the component that gives them passion. What a dance it is, eh? xoxo [Love your comments of epic lengths :-)]
yes, YES, thank you – I see it like you do: it’s the willingness, and the commitment. AND the right person. it’s really pointless to commit to somebody who – observed honestly and in all objectivity – is simply a companion for some time. I’ve always been a fan of honest communications; how else am I supposed to make decisions, right? and if my decision backfires on somebody who decided not to play fair, well: not my problem. I’m not only fair towards others, I’m also rather fair towards myself 😉
oh, and just a note – with “fighting” I meant cruel, unfair, ego-driven, vile “I know how to torture you with words and how to make you feel skinned and helpless”-fighting, not the fair fights that obviously need to be thrown in. I’m all pro fair fighting. actually, I might just go and start one. Ha! 😉
Brought to you by: EPIC LENGTH COMMENTS! 😀
this came at a time when I needed to read these words the most. thank you :-*
Sonja, thanks for sharing that this post spoke to you. I’m happy to be of service <3 xo